Thursday, April 4, 2013

Life is a four-letter word

Over the years I've come to the conclusion that I consider my blog my home. Sometimes, when I have grandiose ideas and thoughts of world domination, it's kind of like one of those Architectural Digest homes where everything is shiny and people go around with dusters making sure the footprints don't show. And occasionally, when I'm tired and wondering what the point is, it looks like my bedroom. A little shabby, with magpie bits, functional hardware and bowls of half eaten potato salad.

I should have paid a little more attention to myself. Not that it would have mattered, because I'm old and looking back on it I'd have done the same thing. I came down with stage C congestive heart failure. Not that I hadn't had signs for years, although considering my doctors, it's understandable that no one figured it out. I suspect fancy clinics are just a way to get money from people. I've had better care at public health clinics because they tell it like it is and it's about time someone sat me down and told me what was going on. Freaked me out of course, since I'm not into the idea of taking meds the rest of my life.

Thank God for Donald Gazzaniga and his uber low-salt diet. Not that I'm particularly happy about eating less than 500mg of salt a day, but between cutting back to a trace of salt and the Nexus Complex , which is sort of like the thinking man's guide to...calming down? Being Zen? The meaning of life? I dunno, it's complex and multi-layered and worth checking out if you need something that works like qi gong and don't have the time for exercise, I can lie flat on my back and talk again without taking a break.

From 224 to 132 on just a diuretic. I'm pretty proud of myself. Not that the first three weeks weren't full of spiders. They say alcohol addiction is bad. Putting down salt is just as bad.

I've been working on motivation--again. It's such a little explored facet of the arc that it's fascinating me. Doing another workshop or two before the summer lull and maybe--working on a project I've always wanted to finish. Like Dunbar says, timor mortis conturbat me. Death has a way of putting everything in perspective.


Jennifer Leeland said...

Well holy crap. Crazy!!! I hope you're feeling better. The thing is that anytime something serious like this comes up, I have to remember I'm going to be TIRED for a while. It's frustrating, but true.
As always, I'm hoping to see whatever you decide to do next!! I'm sending you good, low salt thoughts.

Melissa said...

I met you through a recent workshop. A workshop that as a self doubting creative I must tell you has been a life saver for me.

I'm old too and have spent some time in regret wondering how I ended up like this. I realize I did what I could do - most of the time it was my best. I have fallen short of expectaions much less dreams.
All of it, this living has led me to this point in my life. I am going forward- in a hurkey jerky gait sometimes but determined to look to each day and tomorrow.
Be well Jodi, there are friendships to build and dreams worth dreaming. I'm with Jennifer-sending you good, low salt and zen thoughts.

Edith said...

Hi Jodi, I'm so very sorry to hear that you have been unwell, though glad that you are dealing with it! Thinking of you and hoping that all is well. lots of love, Edith xxx

Jodi Henley said...

Thanks Edith ((hugs)) I appreciate it.

Melissa, I'm glad you liked the workshop. They make me happy too. :) I think I'd do workshops flat on my back, and I have--so not really an exaggeration.

You's never too late, right? Right up until the very end there's time. I'm right there along with you. We can do the hurkey-jerky together. :)

lol, Jen. I could use low salt thoughts. I've been having horrible withdrawal symptoms. I thought it was just getting old. Bad lungs, anemia, allergies. :( *sigh*

You're right. I need to remember to be tired. It's killing me, though. I only have so much candle left. I hate wasting wax.

Suzie Quint said...

So sorry you're heart's not as healthy as it could be, but glad you're getting back on track. I agree about doctors. They don't know nearly as much as they want you to think they do. I'll take a naturopath every time over an AMA trained doc.


Hailey Edwards said...

You should be proud. You're doing great. ((hugs))

Kristen Koster (Kaige) said...

Well, I'm glad to hear someone finally figured out what was going on with you! But I'm sorry you're having to deal with this at all, but at least you have a direction now. *hugs*

Hope each day sees you feeling better and more zen =)

Bria Quinlan said...

You're always so centered. I'm glad too they've figured this out so you can kick it's butt.

Take care of you.

deanna said...

Here I've dropped out of internet socializing lately, so today I finally catch up with you, and, yikes. I'm glad, Jodi, you're taking care of yourself. I'm such a salt-a-holic; feeling your pain there, but you are courageous.

I relate to feeling like the blog is home. I'm ever coming back to mine at some point. You're always in my prayers, and now I have the latest update for my "file."

Jodi Henley said...

Hi Deanna. I know what you mean about dropping out of the internet. :) Sometimes it feels like the only thing I do is check to see if my mom left a message on FB, do workshops and check the weather. Although workshops are catnip. :)

Thank you for your prayers. I'm glad you haven't given up on me.