Over the last eight years, as I've been learning to write--not that I hadn't written, just that I wasn't very good at it--and working through personal issues, what really bothers me is coming up against the limits of what I can and can't do. I read this phrase once, "sheer, unsupported will" and it's stuck with me, since it pretty much describes everything I do. I don't sleep, I eat too much, snarf down fatty foods and salt, drink too much caffeine, work too hard, ignore my circadian rhythms, ignore everything I don't want to think about in regards to my health, and usually have a mullet, since I hate wasting the time it takes to get a haircut. I've been a little sick recently--okay, a lot sick. Lingering on and off, coming back when I don't want it to. My doctor wanted to send me to emergency since I have crazy blood pressure--a legacy of growing up in Hawaii and moving to the South. The thing is--the blood pressure meds I've looked at have side effects and I have this compulsive need to read the warnings. Causes dizziness, impaired motor function, drowsiness, might cause impaired mental functions, will cause tiredness, and the blahs, and...
...don't drive, operate machinery, expect to do anything, or think, lol.
It's a life-long commitment. It's not a one pill will cure everything kind of deal. And I just couldn't deal with it. I don't want to be a tired, rundown, mentally lacking person with impaired motor function and...my God! What would I do?
I never thought I'd get into homeopathic stuff, but yeah--even I'll acknowledge that I'm tighter than a cork in a bottle. I'm walking more, eating less, cutting back (slowly) on the salt and meditating. I like qigong, but it's fighting an even odds battle with my type A personality. Anything to stay away from pills.
I've been on again and off again since August, and recently started getting a grip (fewer headaches). The last workshop probably had a lot to do with it. Maybe why I never noticed until two weeks ago that I've been writing non-fiction like I'm on a deadline, but I haven't archived anything on my blog in months.
I did 35 pages and three powerpoints two weeks ago, and I like to think that's pretty good for five days.
I'm getting ready to retire organic structure and I want to archive it on my blog. An impromptu workshop? lol. If you feel the urge, drop in and out, maybe we can talk about how Mercedes has grown from my earlier posts on organic structure. Do a little bit on core events. Maybe talk about the arc and plot points.