Saturday, January 23, 2010

Sometimes....a little less thinking and a lot more doing

I'm cranking through Excel. Seriously. It went click, and I really need to go thank PamelaC. I was over-thinking things again, like that day I freaked out on my accounting teacher and started yelling, "I can't do it anymore--my brain froze, and I don't know how to get from A to B! Where'd all the information go??"

Which was pretty stupid, because I didn't "have" the information. We'd never been trained how to use Peachtree, just how to make journal entries. I just reached for the information and freaked it wasn't there.

Probably why the whole anemia thing scared me so much.

I'm getting old, I'm getting a little pudgy. I'm totally not where I'd like to be financially, and the only time I have to write is while I'm at work (although I'm trying to change that) and my brain...well, I'd like to keep it. Alzheimer's scares the living hell out of me. Sometimes I think about Terry Pratchett. It's sad. He created this entire world, and now he can't remember it. No more stories about Sam Vimes. No more Carrot. No more stupid asides from Gaspode or Nanny Ogg.

When I started zoning out--I thought I was just tired, or maybe I'd found a measure of peace at work. I got along well with Emma (I always get along with Emma, she's a nice person--but it's hard to talk to her) we talked about bills (it's hard, huh, Yodi?) for hours. Same things, over and over. We hummed to Aerosmith and the Eagles, and I watched a lot of television, sort of like a radish--planted on the couch in front of the tv. I can't remember the last time I'd ever been so relaxed, but I couldn't hold a thought in my head for longer than the time it took a to open another soda.

That fantasy post I did took so long, it made me wonder what'd happened, and I started chugging AMP and trying to think. If my legs hadn't swollen up, I'd still be trying to figure it out. Funny how little time it takes for something to become the new norm. Not thinking, trouble thinking--obviously stress was eating my brain. It was like a slow, painless lobotomy and I can pinpoint the day it accelerated to the day the Gennette book came. I took one look at it, flipped it open and threw it on my stack of tbr. I have so many books on my tbr stack, it's like a death sentence. Never ever going to read that there.

But when I started the quarter, I was so focused on getting through Excel, I never realized how easy it'd be if I just stopped thinking and started working through the book. Less thinking and more doing. Just like English.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

It is certainly interesting for me to read this blog. Thanx for it. I like such topics and anything that is connected to them. I definitely want to read more soon.

jodi said...

lol, Anonymous, thanks for dropping by. Glad you were browsing through. :)

Unhinged said...

Well, hell, Yodi. I still screw up doing Journal Entries and I'm 41. I credited an account I should have debited, yadda yadda. And it's not the first time, either.

I wasn't born for accounting. I was born for words. For writing. For READING and comprehending. It's been a bitch of a stretch these past 4 years.

That aside, stress is a real consideration. When it comes down to the Xs and Ohs of it all, we ARE only human.

You keep your chin up. Keep fighting. When all else fails, our *&/%#@! attitudes can be what helps us claw our way to the top and secure our hold there.

'Cause luck and fate can only play so much of a part...

(Yes, I am still here. Still reading.)

jodi said...

Andi, I never doubt you. And I think you simply did the same thing I did. Look for the fastest way to productive income. It's...not so bad. I've been on my feet so long, a nice cubicle is looking good right about now. Or at least part of a shared desk with my own chair.

And wow--does that sound pitiful. My life's ambition is my own chair. Gravy would be my own cubicle. *sigh*

I need to change your link. I've been tired, sick and lazy. Glad I have iron in my system.

You take care, because I care and think and wonder if you're okay. You're right, you know. Attitude is everything. :)