I'm cranking through Excel. Seriously. It went click, and I really need to go thank PamelaC. I was over-thinking things again, like that day I freaked out on my accounting teacher and started yelling, "I can't do it anymore--my brain froze, and I don't know how to get from A to B! Where'd all the information go??"
Which was pretty stupid, because I didn't "have" the information. We'd never been trained how to use Peachtree, just how to make journal entries. I just reached for the information and freaked it wasn't there.
Probably why the whole anemia thing scared me so much.
I'm getting old, I'm getting a little pudgy. I'm totally not where I'd like to be financially, and the only time I have to write is while I'm at work (although I'm trying to change that) and my brain...well, I'd like to keep it. Alzheimer's scares the living hell out of me. Sometimes I think about Terry Pratchett. It's sad. He created this entire world, and now he can't remember it. No more stories about Sam Vimes. No more Carrot. No more stupid asides from Gaspode or Nanny Ogg.
When I started zoning out--I thought I was just tired, or maybe I'd found a measure of peace at work. I got along well with Emma (I always get along with Emma, she's a nice person--but it's hard to talk to her) we talked about bills (it's hard, huh, Yodi?) for hours. Same things, over and over. We hummed to Aerosmith and the Eagles, and I watched a lot of television, sort of like a radish--planted on the couch in front of the tv. I can't remember the last time I'd ever been so relaxed, but I couldn't hold a thought in my head for longer than the time it took a to open another soda.
That fantasy post I did took so long, it made me wonder what'd happened, and I started chugging AMP and trying to think. If my legs hadn't swollen up, I'd still be trying to figure it out. Funny how little time it takes for something to become the new norm. Not thinking, trouble thinking--obviously stress was eating my brain. It was like a slow, painless lobotomy and I can pinpoint the day it accelerated to the day the Gennette book came. I took one look at it, flipped it open and threw it on my stack of tbr. I have so many books on my tbr stack, it's like a death sentence. Never ever going to read that there.
But when I started the quarter, I was so focused on getting through Excel, I never realized how easy it'd be if I just stopped thinking and started working through the book. Less thinking and more doing. Just like English.