Sunday, May 4, 2008

The whole expose-thing

A friend recently told me, "I don't know if I'd be able to put myself out there like that." Funny how a simple statement can trigger thought-strings.

I blog. I like blogging.

I don't consider it being out there, because hey--it's my computer, and it's sitting right here, and I've got my diet Pepsi and it's all womb-like. Maybe a noisy womb, all Grand Theft Auto and screaming kids, but still--there's an illusion of privacy.

But my family has been reading my blog, and I don't know how I feel about that--it's more of a gray zone than anything I've hit so far. I know lots of people who use their blogs to connect with family, and I know people who write into a void, random thoughts that once written vanish into blogger-land like snags in dark water.

Back in the eighteen hundreds, there were these guys--pilots on the great Mississippi paddle wheelers--who spent their lives studying the river. Once or twice a month, I check out different blogs and follow links. Sometimes I find a place I like--sometimes I dip out fast. Like a pilot with my plumb line, I toss my string overboard and chart the snags.

Sometimes when I'm feeling particularly adventurous, I click the "view next blog" button. Some blogs are almost a little "too" raw, and some are stilted--but they're all expressions of self. This is me, this is who I am--hear me, see me--listen to me.

People visit, and sometimes, they return. I guess my family doesn't have google-accounts in the same way I don't have a LiveJournal ID. And I don't allow anonymous comments. Spam bothers me. It's delicious fried, but it's an acquired taste.

My family doesn't take me seriously. I figure they don't have a pilot.


Jeanna said...

Have you ever tried to pilot a boat on the Mississippi? It's hard. I speak from vast experience grounding a barge in a simulation at the Mississippi River Museum.
I am thankful my family doesn't read my blog. Shudder.

Alice Audrey said...

My mother leaves comments on mine, usually recipe corrections. She's a food scientist. I'm not going to argue.

She is an avid reader with a taste that includes Romance, so when I saw all the invites Avon gave us, I sent one to her. Big mistake. She gave me a 3 when the non-zero-bandits were giving me 4s and 5s. I tried to not give her any more, but she demanded them. I insisted she at least read some of my competition before she scored me. It messed with her as a reader so she couldn't even enjoy the books in her currently-reading pile.

jodi said...

lol, Alice--I remember the zero bandits. I remember the two times I gave a zero, I almost cringed, but they were pretty bad. My mom read that, too. I sent her the link and she said, "I really don't like this kind of stuff, but it's interesting."


Damned with faint praise.

I'm thinking about something in first person present, just for her.
I stop writing, my fingers drop from the keyboard. I look over at Jeanna's post, my gaze moving like lightning bugs in the hazy June twilight. I say, "damn--"I" wanna pilot a barge!!!" *wah*

Jeanna--honestly, I wonder why they do. They don't like my writing, think I need to re-focus my life on the yard and a day job, dinner and laundry.

I've got to the point where I close the door and turn off my phone. I need my alone-time.

Unhinged said...

Having a blog online is just another form of socializing--only for the most part, you do it with anonymous people or people you've never met face-to-face. Like in Real Life, it's usually a slow process of getting to know each other. And sometimes it's easier sharing with people you don't see on a daily basis. Freeing.

My mom reads my blog, too, but she only like the funny, upbeat entries. My spy stuff doesn't interest her and she doesn't get me when I go left of center. Actually, pretty much nobody gets me when I go left of center, lol.

I used to blog more about my personal life when I first started over at AOL. That's when it was just a small community, though. And it was new. A lot of us just got high on putting our thoughts out there and receiving comments.

Alice Audrey said...

My mom DOES like the stuff and still damned me with faint praise. Sigh.

Unhinged, I kind of, sort of get you when you go left of center. I think. At least I don't mind when you do.

Jeanna said...

I don't know, I think relatives reading your stuff is a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Being damned with faint praise is damning indeed. You know your audience, it's in your head already.
Maybe tmw I'll get out of dodge and pilot a barge for ya, Jodi woman.

jodi said...

lol, Jeanna--thank you :)