Random thoughts ad nauseum

--I've been using the word random a lot. No clue why. Maybe it's just my word du jour, or some internal need to categorize the stuff that's been happening to me. After burning Atlanta--hey, I'm having a few problems at my real job.

I tell Cowboy it's because after four months, my face hurts. I'm tired of smiling all the time. At the end of Hague's lecture he says the fundamental question to ask yourself is, "I'd do anything to (whatever you want to do) (he used get published), but I won't (insert what you won't do here?). It's just not me."

In the beginning, I thought this little tail end to his speech was pretty random (and yes--I used that word again), but he's right. You can want something very much--almost to the point of want overriding nature, but sooner or later who you are wins out over what you want.

My intristic stopping points are er...stopping me. I hate being told what to do. It's my trigger point. Like Marty in Back to the Future, I totally freak.

Cowboy says I'm just stressed out, and yeah--I guess I am. He's not looking all that sane himself. I told him I needed a new picture to counteract that horrible fifties thing he did, all spiffy and smiling, and he gave me one of those looks you get when you ask someone who hates pictures to take a picture. Which is great because it looks more like him than the other one.



Then he asked my weird question du jour. I said--I usually do--that I'm evil trying hard to be nice, and he said I'm nice trying hard to be evil. I told him I didn't see much of a difference because they're both going about the same goals in different ways.

I don't have enough AMP. *whine* *whine* It's hard to have those existential conversations when you're ready to fall out.