Saturday, November 17, 2007

Ahhhh...nobody laughed. That's a good thing

...I was kind of worried that there would be a resounding silence when I said I was going to write a er, non-fiction book. Sort of like that echo you get at the bottom of a well when you know you've dug yourself into a hole and no body's listening.

I've been busy recently. There's been a major ant problem at the mall, and it started an exodus from the store. If you can imagine hordes of panicked pre-holiday shoppers stampeding out, screaming and shoving and gasping things like, "they have ANTS!!!!!" "Everyone!! They have ants..."

Yeah, that's my life. That on top of the gazillion phone calls I've been getting at my real job. On the line, music thumping out hard-core rap, BOH screaming and swearing, stuff flying everywhere, people kicking through ankle-high garbage, all of us on a never-ending, on-rolling deadline that goes from zero to sixty in two seconds flat--I get phone calls. "Hey, this is Jodi." "We have ants." and me, "WHAT??!! HEY! Cold in the window! We have WHAT??!! NO I want dinner plates, not ap plates. Hey, prep!!! I'm out of crab--well, SPRAY the damned things!! Whattadya mean they ran out of the store?" to the line "NO, man--I DIDN'T say the guests ran away from my food--"

I'm thinking of wearing a bluetooth. I have a ringer that's so damned loud it sounds like an air-raid siren. People drop stop and stare whenever they get in range.

...and there I am, when it all dies down. After the rush, after the ants, working Dead Gorgeous on a paper towel. I am so at that Shannon Butcher workshop.


Jennifer McKenzie said...

Oh man. It just isn't getting better is it. Darn it. Hope it gets better soon.
Hooray for the workshop.

Alice Audrey said...

People are running away from ants? You're kidding, right?

Gwen said...

That reminds me of the squirrel scene in Christmas Vacation. Where everyone is running around the house squicked out by a squirrel that was in the tree.


jodi said...

no, my life is HELL. And it all started with my, "it's a BIG space, isn't it?" I should have gone for the hole in the wall.

And no, honestly, people run from ants. Terrified and freaked out. I have NO clue why. I saw a couple today, pushing at each other and saying things like, "lets call the health department". The exterminator can't get here soon enough.!!! I love the vacation-movies. Chevy Chase is so cool.

Jeanna said...

How about a romantic sci fi thriller about mall ants?
Both my sister and I share a fear of squirrels and raccoons. We were terrorized by a raccoon stalking us on campus one summer. Hey, there's a story.