My own worst enemy

...y'know, people say that in an offhand way--like it's really no big deal. But..it is a big deal. It's an enormous, brick wall, poured concrete with rebar deal. Because we never think about what it means.

I think what I brought away from the Hague lecture wasn't structure, although I got enormous amounts of troubleshooting in--but a new way of looking at things. I've been re-listening to his lecture at the same time I've been listening to "reinforcement" lectures on various craft issues, so I can get things firm in my head. But each lecture that touches on character arc and structure says, "you have to do this, or this--or try this, this might work."

Hague says, (and I'm paraphrasing big-time) that's external motivation. Self-knowledge is the emotional under structure. In other words--you can only write from your truth.

I know the question, and I know the answer--and yeah, it scares me, because family defines me. I am a wife and a mother.

To rewrite the question. I would do anything to become a successful writer, but I won't acknowledge that "who" I am, and the behaviors associated with "what" I am, stand in the way of what I want to be. Because to say it, is also to say--my family,


...and yes, I did scroll down, and yes--I still can't say it. Because Hague is right. When you can rewrite the question to reflect what stops you from living in your essence, it's like dying. Because it goes down, past all the words and posturing, all the years and time. Everyone does their own rewrite, and that's something Hague can't say, because it's scary and we lash out at things that scare us.