Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Bodily functions

...I know everyone has them, but is it just me? I always wondered at women who used the phone while they were on the toilet--nothing like bombing Berlin while talking to your boss, or doing the techni-colored yawn with a Bluetooth. But I'm slowly formulating Jodi's theory of Audio-tolerance.

Everyone I've seen recently has been wearing a headset. They're 4.99 at Office Depot. (with a 35 dollar mail-in, of course) So...now that we're comfortable talking in public, about nothing in particular, about stuff other people wished they didn't know--are we creating a tolerance for narrating bodily functions?

And I'm not talking about bean vapor, but the real deal.

At Target I was trapped between two women launching an air attack. Not content with talking while..you know, they were doing their best to communicate with their bombardiers. I always thought it was a guy thing. Any gender capable of playing Battleship in public is more than capable of turning what should be internal dialog into Toolman-style grunts. But theses were actual sentences with action-reaction, and resolution.

I've been looking for family bathrooms. You can lock the door.


Alice Audrey said...

That whole public bathroom thing has always wigged me out. I can't concentrate on my own internal dialogue when the stall next to me is making scary noises of the splat variety.

jodi said...

Alice...it's the smells. Sometimes, you get all trapped and the smells attack you, and you KNOW you can't escape. One day I'm going to throw up and well, the smell will still be there.

(I'm grossing myself out, I need to go and smell some air freshener)


Alice Audrey said...

Even if it weren't for the smells, there's something about the sound. And I don't want anyone hearing me either.

Unhinged said...

Clearly you two don't know the benefits of reception in the bathroom. Much better than, say, while walking on the sidewalk trying to ignore traffic and other pedestrians ilo the phone at your ear.

One of these days I'm just going to go crazy when a stallmate is talking on the phone. I'm going to start flushing and flushing and yell out yee-hah after every flush.