Monday, April 28, 2008

That toilet doesn't clean itself, you know!

er...stuck in mom-speak for a second, I'd meant to say something about cleaning the house when you should know better.

My house--which is new to me, and in fabulously wonderful condition because my landlady bought it the week before I signed the lease--is in staging condition. Staging condition is when someone is trying to sell and fixes everything to make it look spiffy, y'know, new carpet, new paint, snazzy window treatments? My carpet is plush and fluffy, my fixtures are Kohler, the tubs are brand new, and every bit of hardware in the master bedroom is this kind of antiquey bronze in the shape of leaves. (sigh) I've always wanted the leaves. I used to drool over them when they were just a stray thought that happened to live over at Restoration Hardware.

Unfortunately, they are the most impractical, stupid things I've ever had the misfortune to use. So far they've dropped out of the wall twice (not enough clearance for the towels), and the Kohler stuff gets water spots--my spiffy new carpet is shedding, all new carpets do, it's part of the breaking in process, and little nylon spirals are everywhere. I'm terrified of breaking things, wrecking stuff--it's sort of like when I rented a car recently. First time around I got a fabulous "new car!!" All shiny and clean, with less than ten miles on it. I was terrified of that too. "Don't eat in the car!", "wipe your feet before you get in!!".

Then my car got delayed in shipping and I had to renew. I got an older car with stains, and I felt much better. "Don't let the hamburger roll under the chair and get those pickles off the floor."

I've been cleaning. I hate cleaning. I clean the damned Kohler every single day, wiping the stupid water spots off, and go around with a can of stain remover trying to keep the carpets clean. I'm starting to think of plastic drop cloths.


Jennifer McKenzie said...

OH NO!!! Which reminds me of the scene in "Then And Now" (awesome movie if you haven't seen it)where two people "come home" to visit their friend who is now living in her mother's house.
And still keeps the couch under plastic. It's a great scene.
Hang in there. See, my house was falling apart WHEN I MOVED IN so all the dog/kid/Redneck damage doesn't show so much.

jodi said...

My grandma kept the couch in plastic, when I went back fifteen years later--the couch was STILL in plastic.

My kids say I'll get tired sooner or later and let it slide, but...boy, that's a bunch of water stains.

Unhinged said...

Mannnn, can't you switch those Kohler fixtures out for a Walmart blue light special?

I don't blame you about the pickles though. If left under a car seat to bake-ith in the sun? Ewwww. Stinky-poo.

I remember slip sliding on a plastic couch in my youth. Freakiest thing ever, I remember thinking. Why have a couch in the first place if you have to cover it with icky plastic that makes your butt slide, and then sticks to your legs and makes a schwink sound when you stand up?

Alice Audrey said...

I'll go with the old knock about house and car everytime. I'd rather be comfortable.

Jeanna said...

My mother has leaf light switch covers which are bulky and cover the switch so it's really difficult to turn on lights. Especially in the dark which it is or you wouldn't need to turn them on.
Spot cleaning rugs is a thankless job, but it sounds like you got a nice place.

Kaige said...

The house we rent was the office/model for the neighborhood back when it was built over 20 years ago. Nice gold fixtures in the downstairs bathrooms & showers. I know what you mean about the water spots. Unfortunately, they couldn't match the *(&^ing things when we had issues so they had to replace them. They picked out polished brass this time. They water spot too.

I have kids, of course the rugs are shot too. *sigh* I miss being responsible to myself as the owner.

jodi said...

the trouble with an established blog is that you get spam. *sigh*

Hi Jeanna--it sure is nice. In some ways I wish it was a little more worn, I wouldn't be crawling around with scotchgard