Wednesday, March 12, 2008

How could one wardrobe weigh so much?

...okay, that's a stupid question. It weighs so much because they're the pre-closet equivalent of a closet. I picked mine up years ago. It used to be beautiful, birds-eye maple, clean art deco lines with greek-key inlay and the original drawer liners.

The person who had it before me thought the swirled patterns and sleek knobs were old fashioned, so he took the knobs off and replaced them with shiny blue plastic, and painted the whole thing with white latex.

I've been picking at it for years. I'd just gotten down to the inlay.

It's so heavy I told Cowboy we'd have to cut it in half so we could carry it down the stairs. Cowboy's face lit up. I have this ax--and a theory about repressed rage. He wanted to slam that wardrobe, I could feel it like a high-tension electric wire.

Too bad the ax bounced off.

There's a reason chopping blocks are made of maple.

We ended up taking the doors and drawers off. I thought we were going to tumble headlong down the stairs. An hour and every bit of heavy furniture later, my house was clear except for two computer desks, a couple of chairs and some luggage. I brought some carry-out home and my daughter dropped it on the floor. We have phantom furniture. I find myself turning almost constantly.

I saved the dining room table as a treat for my kid. She's got a mad going--and she tore that set to pieces. When she finished with it, it looked like kindling. She's got blisters, but she's calm, like all the anger leached out.

For some reason, I always thought that scene in Brockman's Over the Edge was a little contrived--y'know, the one where Sam and Alyssa have just broken up, she's left him and he can't deal with the pain, so he shatters everything in the room? Maybe there is something to it.


Jeanna said...

Sounds cathartic and full of splinters. I found out in one of those altered states I haven't been in since the late '80s that they make axes so sharp they can cut through human flesh like a hot metal scoop through ice cream.

Unhinged said...

I was reading about the wardrobe and thinking it seemed BEAUTIFUL and that you were picking at the paint/plastic so you could refinish it, and when I read you were going to swing an ax at that sucker, I gasped. You should've heard me.

You know what's REALLY physically cathartic, though? Bashing down drywall. You can use any ole hammer, it's easy to swing, and the drywall gives so easily. How satisfying is it to see your hammer drive through a wall and make a hole? Definitely a ten. I had the BEST time bashing the hell out of a closet we got rid of.

Good for you for saving the table for your kid. I'm not sure how old she is, but I know kids find it hard to explain, show and/or deal with painful emotions.

Got a lump in my throat for you two now. I sure hope the move goes smoothly.

Jennifer McKenzie said...

I'm with Unhinged. Smashing Drywall is VERY satisfying.
I don't really have much else to say except I'm thinking about you. I know this can't be easy and, as always, you amaze me.

Alice Audrey said...

He took the ax to a maple wardrobe!!!!!?

Glad it bounced.

Alice Audrey said...

I never get to knock down drywall. *sniffle sniffle* The only walls I ever got to mess with were thin plywood.

jodi said...

lol, Alice--you're an antiquer like me. I have this thing for depression-era furniture, old Craftsman houses and blue willow. I thought about the wardrobe, but--nobody else would have wanted it, and I'd sunk too much time into the thing. It made Cowboy happy, lol.

Jeanna, hope you didn't cut yourself. :) That sounds horribly like experience talking.

Unhingey--I have personally, with malice, punched holes in drywall with my fist. It hurts. *laughing*

Thanks Jen. :)

Unhinged said...

Fuh cripes sake, Jodi, get a hammer the next time. THEN punch through the drywall with malice.

Mo' better.