Saturday, February 2, 2008

Swatting fog in the gray zone...

I've been zoning out, and I catch myself starting at nothing for long periods of time, which kind of sucks at my job, since you have to stay on point. I snapped the other day, screamed--okay, I don't scream, I get quiet and vicious, at my line partner. Maybe he thought I was going to bite him, because he got all pale. There was something wrong with my face. It felt like it was going to crack, and all this stuff was going to come pouring out. But yeah--that way lies madness.

Control is good. There's this scene in Komarr where Miles and Ekaterine have just fallen into a lake, and she surfaces and says, "well, drat," and he says, "Has anyone ever called you over civilized?"

That's me. Over civilized. Cowboy calls me the kind of over civilized that would abandon the group if we were running from apes in a sci-fi adventure. He had this dream once where we were all captured (this was right after Planet of the Apes) and we broke out, and as we were running, I split off from the group, and the last thing he remembered was the sight of me waving.

I said, "damn, you know me." And he said, "Yeah. It was just something you'd do." It's good to have friends.


Unhinged said...

Why do you think you'd you split from the group after escaping hell with them?

No, really. Me no comprehende. I'd want to stay close with people who understood what I'd just gone through because they had just gone through it, too. Only later would I want distance.

Still thinking of you, Noodle Girl.

Alice Audrey said...

I'd at least wait until I could be sure the stupid apes wouldn't catch up. Then I'd be off. I get itchy in that middle ground between being in a group a long time and just getting to know people.

As to the face cracking thing - it's called grief. Some people cry. Some go dormant.

jodi said...

lol, Unhingey. It's called save your ass. See, the apes would go after the greater concentration of useful slaves, and I'd be all alone, but intact and in one piece. Cowboy knows me too well, we've been together a long time.


yeah, Alice. I think I've got too many macho-traits. For me grief is like the kid with his finger in the dike. Sooner or later, he's gonna have to pee, and the dike will break, and Holland will disappear under a tidal wave, but as long as I can hop from foot to foot and jiggle, I should be fine. :)

Gwen Hayes said...

Carefully crafted stoicism is sometimes friend and sometimes foe.

Here is the thing. When one has friends, like you do, it is possible to say, "Erm...I have to pee, can one of you please come over here and put your finger in the hole to stop Holland from drowning while I take a little break?" And then one of us would.

Kaige said...

Um, yeah, what Gwen Said! =)

The apes bit reminds me of this Cub Scout skit where some kids are being chased by a bear. One stops next to the Cub Master and puts on his shoes. The adult asks what the kid thinks he's doing, the bear's getting closer! The kid says, "I just need to outrun you!"

So, ah, when being chased by the apes, don't forget your Nikes! (BTW, humor is my way of dealing with awkward things, just smack me if it's a problem).

But more importantly, what Gwen said.

Jeanna said...

Good for you. Stay away from those ape nets, Jodi.

Jennifer McKenzie said...

I agree with Kaige. "What Gwen Said".
We're all getting T-Shirts made up to say that. Want one?
Do what you have to do to keep Holland from drowning, Cup.
And watch out for the apes.

Gwen Hayes said...

The tshirts will be ready soon...I've been uploading some possible designs into a cafe press store.

Alice Audrey said...

I know I shouldn't, but I'm a bit like Kaige. Forgive me, but...

This gives new meaning to my cup floeth over.

*Alice running away now*

jodi said...

lol--I love you guys. Thanks, and I'll be sure to outrun you all.

btw, Kaige. I do the black humor thing too. It might be depressed black humor right now--but it's a step in the right direction.