Frost's dilema

I have a really boring job, where I engage hands and don't think. So--I have lots of time to think, ok--maybe that came out wrong. I guess what I mean to say is that I have so much muscle memory that I don't think. Maybe that's a better way to put it. Thinking about my website, which I need to work on--and promo, and Connor's story.

And it hit me that I'm more relaxed than I used to be. I'd hear of a conference, or a chance to sell, and hey--I'd be right there. And now...it doesn't seem so important. I haven't stopped writing, but that I've stopped pushing to be published. I am published--or I will be. Maybe it's not a lot of money, and it's not a major NY company, but WRP is good and reputable and from the author involvement--true hallmark of a team-oriented organization--it's gonna be around for awhile.

I read this blog yesterday. I think the writer started it to vent and got sidetracked. But, it belonged to a silhouette author who wanted to remain anonymous. She wrote about four posts (yeah--just four) about mid-list, and money, and horrible covers.

She said the money was bad, it didn't pay--the covers didn't look anything like her story and summed it up by wondering why she bothered.

No clue who it was.

Wish I knew.

It's one of those mysteries where I'll always go, "gee, I wonder if she made it, or simply went away?" Maybe she's someone I read. Maybe like Anne Groell--she turned into an editor. Maybe she did something else. Maybe she started down Frost's road and took the other path. I don't know.

But I do know that I can't write as fast as I'd like.

I write better. I don't write faster. But like Leslie Wainger said, you have to be fast and good, one or the other isn't enough. Got to work on it.

Got to work on my website. Got to clean the bathroom, and do the laundry and wash my car and help my kid with homework, and call my son's insurance company and start dinner because I need to eat, and find some way to get my head out of my ass and my ass on my chair.

Because Dead Gorgeous won't write itself. I need to take a deep breath and buy some more chocolate. There's lots of time after lunch and before heading out to pick up my daughter. Maybe after I replaster the wall beside the tub.